Open letter to all online abusers.

                    I: Stop.Shut up.

s(he) Abuser: Hmm. I don't think you are sure of that so lets ask you 923 times more and see.

                  

Let's  share some anecdotes if you are still unsure of what harassment is but before that ,

Note:

 I am going to write " ze" instead of a he or she . Ze is the new unisex word for s(he) or he/she. 

Since I am a feminist, I won't neglect the facets of stereotypes fought by either of the genders. Hence, get accustomed to that.

So here's the list 

1.  Me: No !

     Abuser/ Ze : Okay,That means "convince me". I'll continue.

2. I: I am not enjoying it, stop.

    Ze: Well then do it. Anyway , I know you do. Don't hesitate to show up. 

3. I: There is a limit . Adhere to it.

   Ze: I don't care about the lines or limits. What ? they exist ?

4. I : ( makes an irritated face )

   Ze: Don't worry , I won't be making that face when I grab your boobs.

and the story is not stopping anywhere.

Oh wait, I see people thinking about such situations like- "Why is she still talking to him?" 

Yes, cz i did that, talked normally, it's wrong but the abuser isn't. Yes, but you have to answer the question ! Why did you still talk to him ? If it was uncomfortable , you should have stopped speaking. 

Well, I just told him to behave. NO! You should have blocked him.Oh okay, run away from the issue. 

okay ,I did that. Didn't help. Why ? Because it was never about the typical words ze spoke but how disrespectful is ze of people's comfort.  Ze never cared about it in front of his manifestation of it's thoughts. And whenever you shut ze down, it was opaque to it's  understanding. 
Ze never gave a fuck like you did.


Okay so if you cared about ze , why are you getting disturbed when ze talks to you like that?
Because liking someone is not equivalent to violating , i repeat , violating someone's personal space even after being told. once , twice, thrice.
I told ze that it's harassing me, stop. Ze didn't . Ze still thinks ze's a good person, has depth in it's thoughts, is kind at heart for others, helps the people and friends, is smart and everything but no, what ze did to the person is selfish. Selfish and Forceful.

Why do I feel violated then ? 

You know that people are looking at you intimately, like hundreds of them everywhere. It's just not a nice feeling. It just makes you feel violated.I felt ridiculed. Honestly , I did. Every single time. I thought " It's my own fault" which i suppose is very easy to believe and also agreed upon by molesters and even the society because that's where we all come from.
So I  thought its my fault. I let him. I let him do me wrong. I have come to terms with it. I still cared about ze. But, i am not actually in the wrong. I wasn't selfish either.  

Dear Ze's everywhere ,

It pissed me off that you think that you can talk to me like that,  that you can just show up to me saying "I will fuck you" sitting at ease behind you laptop window ?
That a little juvenile shit I shouldn't have noticed because it was kind of out of the ordinary to happen with me. Very ordinary. I should gulp it like water. Ignore it and move past  it right? But do you see, talking like that to anyone even after getting warned about is classed online sexual harassment and that sort of shit should not be ignored. 

I realised it soon , sitting at my desk, reading texts I'll never accept and wouldn't want to forgive. According to you, I liked it. I LIKED IT ?! Again, I don't have any words for these feelings. Sometimes I think that If I hadn't met you then this never would've happened. It distorted me, damaged me. I technically could not prove 'every time' that it was unwanted. It literally broke me. My respect for self. The harassment had been so clear, but instead, I will be asked ,"Do you remember silencing it?" 

I don't sleep when I think about the way it had been. Why I controlled myself? For a friend like that? That's what you'll never have a good answer for. Ze has done irreversible damage to me. I tried stepping out of the comfort zone just to get exploited. I just don't even know what I am gonna say to him anymore. I wish for everyone's good but I am sure you already know ,how shitty you made me feel and I know, you don't care but I am almost positive you don't care because you are such a selfish person. .One of the most selfish people I have ever met in my entire life.

If I could meet my 20 year old self and pause time, I would ensure not slipping my dignity or a strand of me in your court thinking of you as a friend. You don't even understand what a "NO"means .Mercy on you because you didn't have the guts to be a soul to me and I wish that I didn't in that moment cared about you, your health , your career , your happiness and your pretty laugh. I never cried didn't mean I wasn't hurt.I wish I would have continued to fight and I wish I would name all over the internet and news so you could feel half as shitty as I did. 

It had been almost a year and I have grown so much as a person and I am able to influence and lift others up, encourage them that I almost can't be mad at you. This is me, me forgiving you. This is not me saying that what you did is okay but this is saying that I am not gonna let it control me anymore. 
I don't need  to care about you and your connections with me. You can't victimise me anymore that you hurt me tremendously , i can't even tell. I am only gonna put energy out into the world and I'm only gonna nurture people , help them , love them unlike you ,as you did with me when you went around destroying what pretty cosmic relationship we had.

You can't hold me down like that. And you can't steal anything from me anymore.
 I am taking back my innocence , my happiness and my stability which I shared with you once upon a time. The entire world , it's mine to keep. I am back to my place.Thank you for the experiment. 
Yes so I forgive you. I'll never forget but I forgive you, not for you but for me so I don't know, have a nice life.